the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
