where does the pee come out of this thing
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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