The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
