Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
