Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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