I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
