he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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