You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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