i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
