I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
