then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
