Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
