i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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