can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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