I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
