you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
