Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
