im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
