Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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