Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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