@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
