I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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