I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You can't motorboat a personality
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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