Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
