Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize