i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize