can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
