the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
