He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
