After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
