Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
