Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
