is your mom at the bar?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's even glitter on my cock...
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