I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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