in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
