I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
