tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
