The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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