i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
