i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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