You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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