No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
