my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
