xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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