He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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