remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
