and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
