We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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