All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
