She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize