The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize