rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
