It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
