My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
