nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
