I think im going to throw up on grandma
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
