My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
