just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
