Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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