Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
