I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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