We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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