Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
