threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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